Which Skin Do You Want? Thin Tomato or Thick Watermelon?
Learn how visions of fruit reduce conflict.
My child was melting into a puddle of frustration. It was impressive. Full ugly cry, waterworks, stamping feet, and wails that would make a fire engine proud.
I don’t remember what it was about specifically, only that her friend said something taken as hurtful. I was somewhere between laughing disrespectfully because the drama was spectacular and searching for some way to reduce the pain. It was difficult to see such distress.
Lest you think me uncaring, I’ll just mention this was a common reaction with this youngster. I had considered renting her out as a siren to the emergency services squad, but the need was past my little one’s bedtime.
Changing my expression to one of concern was challenging.
There isn’t a parent out there who hasn’t had to turn away to wipe hilarity from their face to present a more appropriately serious expression.
We slid down the cabinets to sit together on the floor, waiting for the storm to quiet. Gentle back scratches helped, yet I knew solace wasn’t enough. This was an opportunity for life skills training. Another damn growth opportunity I had to deliver.
When the gales subsided, I nicked the skin of an almost bursting summer-ripe tomato. It was the perfect prop to talk about ways to cope with people that frustrate us.
“See how easy it is to cut this tomato’s thin skin?
That’s what you feel like right now. You’re squishy on the inside, and a small poke breaks your skin easily. All your juices are running out.”
I had her interest.
Using a big knife and a heavy wooden cutting board, I then exaggerated the difficulty of slicing a watermelon. (A few grunts of effort didn’t hurt the comic delivery.)
“Look how much more it takes to open the watermelon because of its thicker skin. Like the tomato, it’s sweet and juicy on the inside, just more protected.”
“Sometimes, having a thin skin on can make us frustrated and hurt quickly. When we pretend we are wearing a thicker skin, like a watermelon, things people do don’t get to us so easily. It can help us slow down and think about why we’re bothered. It’s not easy to settle down when we’re hurt, yet we can choose which skin to wear — and how much to leak.”
Sharing the watermelon provided a tasty segue into the next activity, and the upset was over. It wasn’t a once-and-done lesson. They rarely are, but it did leave a lasting impression and shared code. “Are ya bein’ a tomato or a melon on this issue?”
If nothing else, seeing ourselves in a silly fruit suit adds a little lighthearted distance that helps us choose a good way to think about what’s bothering us and react more gracefully.
What does Mastery mean to you?
It’s different for you than for anyone else. Might simply be that you decide which fruit to be today.
Leslie Robison has been coaching, organizing, writing, and using fruit to illustrate self mastery to her clients forever. OK, only 23 years to date, but it’s long enough to give her license to write stories that help you be your best self.
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